My Country Quest

Follow along our journey back to the land. This is where we will record our thoughts, musings and dealings with terrible dragons right here for your viewing pleasure.

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Location: Missouri, United States

Friday, April 20, 2007


I know I have spoken of this often on here - or at least eluded to it - but the most difficult lesson for me to learn has been that of surrender. Not surrender as in a battleground surrender. Not one of defeat or a melancholy loss. But a surrender like that kind you feel when you're in a hot tub. The "every muscle relaxed" kind of surrender. Let the current in that river take you where it will and determine to enjoy the view along the way - that kind of surrender.

I remember last summer quite vividly when things were not going well in my marriage. We had tried everything, I had tried everything, I had sought counsel to no avail, nothing was working. I was hopeless. I sat in the back yard, crying my eyes out over the pain of it all, and I had a vision. Now I know, some people don't believe in visions and such, and that's fine. I still know I had one. :-) It lasted only a second. I was up to my neck in a river. The white-water kind of river with my body flailing out behind me as the water tried to pull me in. I saw my terrified face as I grasped to the stony edge. I heard the Lord say, "Let go."

"But I'll drown! This river will kill me!"

"Let go."

"But I can't! The kids need me! I won't give up Lord! I can't!"

"Just let go."

So I did, and instantly the water calmed and I saw myself floating peacefully down a strong current still, but now on my back staring up into the blue blue summer sky, enjoying the clouds as they floated by above me. I was at peace, I was relaxed. I let go. I surrendered. I awoke in my Adarondak chair a bit later still in my backyard, the summer sun smiling down on me. And BOY has it been a RIDE since I surrendered! But it's the kind I want to buy a t-shirt for to remember the occasion! Exhilerating! Scary! Take-my-breath-away shocking at times. But surrendered.

God does not call us to commit emotional suicide in the name of "Christianity" or "being a good wife" or even "being a good mother". He calls us to surrender those emotions. Stop fighting them. They are there. Accept them. Look at them. Taste them, touch them, accept them, understand why they are there. Often they are there as weapons of warfare. Meant to cause our demise or at least wound us. When I let go and look them full in the face I can see them for what they are. Kindof like that shadow on the wall at midnight that looks JUST like a crouching thief but when investigated turns out to be nothing more than a sofa cushion? Yeah. Like that.
So pick up that fear, that pain, that depression. Pick it up like a rock you stubbed your toe on. Taste it. Smell it. Shine the Light on it. Then let go and float on down your river. I promise you ~ the ride will be more than you ever dreamed it could be.


Blogger 6littlelambs said...

Ahhhh a Balm of Gilead to my soul! SURRENDER....a difficult concept for a control freak :-( Thank you for sharing the beautiful vision of the river. I'm going to let it speak to my soul as I learn to let go.


1:49 PM  

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