Melancholy Musings

I should really go back and see how many times I've blogged here and have included the word "melancholy" to describe my mood. Ugh. And it's not lack of faith but more likley TOO much faith. Pushing uphill, following a dream, dragging less-than-excited children behind, fighting the demons who would love to see me trip and fall... all this with the belief firm in this thick head of mine that I WILL SUCCEED. Maybe not as the world views it, or even the modern church, but I will not be cast down. I will not lose. WHen the day is done and I rest at last, I believe I will look back and see that the path I wore down for future generations was a good one. Rocky... hard... but a good one. I pray that in that day I will look back and sit beside the Lord and he will say "Well done." :-) I hope. I have faith. I believe.

Still, I'm tired. The fight is a hard one, the journey long and often lonely. Not many understand what I'm about and not many can I even share the vision with. What am I saying? Perhaps 2 people int he entire world actually understand what I'm working towards and what I dream of accomplishing with my life and my children's lives. Frustrating. And maddening. And I'm tired today.

Looks like we have found a bigger house to move into, more land, out in the country. More than I could have imagined ever owning. It is my inheritance... my hill of Zion... my dwelling place. More than an address. I sense that. More than just a place to sleep at night. And I'm not over-spiritualizing it either. God's hand is the ONLY way I ended up with this new place for the price I got it at. It is unheard of. Only God's hand won it for me. I am coming into that "place of abundance" Jehovah-jireh promised so many months ago... and it is beautiful. And lots of work. :-) And I'm tired. I'll post pictures as soon as I get them. Hopefully this weekend.

Sorry to whine at you all. It is a blog afterall. You can't always come away encouraged from my ramblings. :-)