My Country Quest

Follow along our journey back to the land. This is where we will record our thoughts, musings and dealings with terrible dragons right here for your viewing pleasure.

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Location: Missouri, United States

Friday, February 09, 2007

Ramblings

Been up for a few hours, lying there on the couch (I sleep there most nights as even the twin size bed is too big and lonely). Praying, I fasted most of yesterday. God is doing big things... I see it, I know it. Yet still I wonder. My faith is SO weak. I think of what the future might or might not hold and I waver.

A lady put this up on the list I'm on yesterday. It really stuck somehow and as I meditated on it, and did my own study, the Lord revealed alot of what will get me through the days.

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."
Proverbs 31:10

"Virtuous in the strongs concordance is defined as : a force, whether of men, means, or other resources. an army, a wealth, a virtue, a strength- able, activity, a band of soldiers, a company, great forces, goods, host, might, power, riches, strength, substance, to train valiantly, valor, war worthy. Notice how none of the meanings that are used to describe the virtuous woman are the frilly, girly, ladylike descriptions that we usually associate with a homemaker! this is a woman who goes into battle for her family and does so with the power of God in front of her, behind her, and in her. this is a woman who calls on her resources that God has given her to protect, fortify, and enrich her family. she knows the world may be against God's principles but she will not let her family fall prey to that. she goes into battle against all the forces that could come against her beloved." ~ tami who is asking for help in applying this to her own life!

I feel the need to plaster this all over the walls of my house. To keep "His words and commandments always before my eyes". I fall prey to doubt and fear so easily. But why? Why? When the Lord of all Creation is at my beck and call? His hand is not shortened that He cannot deliver me. He hears the cries of the innocent. He is my rock and fortress, I will not fear what man may do unto me!!!

But like a child's playground see-saw (do they still have those old-fashioned things?) I go back and forth, sometimes moment by moment in my mind, between victory and utter defeat. What will my Lord do? What is the design He is forming out of this chaos? Because I know, as surely as I am sitting here, that He has a plan. That He will use this mightily.

Wednesday night this week I felt impressed by the Holy Spirit to visit the little country church down the road. We were members and attended there when Luke was born and a year or 2 prior to that. I was welcomed so lovingly and found out that Shawn had contacted a deacon and pastor there to testify on his behalf in our court proceedings. They assured me that they would testify but that the truth wold prevail and not to worry. They offered to pray and fast the days of the court hearings, etc. and to help in any way they could.

My prayer is this, "LORD, make me virtuous. Provide the strength and WISDOM I need to be a force to reckon with for You! Make me all you would have me be!!! Change me!!! Guide me moment by moment as I train my children valiantly and make myself worthy and ready for the WAR that wages around me."

Alot of people wonder, I'm sure, why I haven't tried to find work outside of my home. I've been selling things on ebay, doing what I can here at home, praying for opportunities, being very careful on what money is provided. But the reason I haven't gone out a sought a "job" can be summed up in one sentence:

My calling as mother and keeper at home, my annointing from the Lord, has not changed because the captain of this vessel has jumped ship.

Until HE tells me otherwise I will stay at MY post. My children may have lost a father, but they won't lose a mother too. Not because of anything I do. IF the Lord wills it, then so be it. Sign me up. But until or unless HE does it??? No. I will stay at my post, however weary, destitute and lonely I grow. Lord, give me the strength to do this thing I have worded so prettily. Because it's ugly business. Gorilla warfare. But I have my camo washed and pressed and I am dressed for war today. Help me do so for all the tomorrows that are stacked up for me.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm honored. blessings ~smile~

12:54 PM  

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